I know contemplating death might sound extremely morbid, but bear with me! Oh, and I’m not talking about committing suicide either. I’m talking about contemplating the meaning of death; or rather, what death means in relation to how you live your life.

Let’s face it, you probably spend some (or maybe even a lot) of your time living like a miserable robot, scrolling through pointless Facebook stories while stuffing your face with Doritos, instead of being present and living life as if it actually means something.

Don’t feel too bad, I’m guilty too!

Here’s the reality though: your friends will die, your family members will die, and so will you. Maybe even sooner than you think.

However, most people are ignoring this fact and perceive death as something distant; something that happens to other people, and not to them. We take for granted that we and our loved ones are alive and don’t really consider the possibility that they could die at any given moment. Thus, we create a lot of distance between ourselves and the idea of death. People do not own their mortality and as a result they also don’t live like life is precious.

Instead, people argue about meaningless things, like why your spouse forgot to put the trash outside; or you get angry at the remote control because the battery ran out and now you will miss one minute of your favourite show.

Death asks you a very serious question, namely whether the way you live your life is worthwhile or not.

Death is one of the best teachers when it comes to learning how to live. 

First of all, it shows us that we are all of equal worth. Death doesn’t care about your race, gender, or wealth. Regardless of who we are, one thing is for certain: we will die.

Furthermore, when death comes close, it forces us to live with a different attitude. Consider hearing a loved one only has a week left to live. When this happens, we quickly forget about all the little, unimportant arguments and frustrations and start living life as if it is precious again.

We come together and love unconditionally; it doesn’t matter if our loved one is lying there dying of cancer and can barely talk to us. We are there for them, unconditionally. Suddenly we realise that life can be taken at any moment, and thus live these last moments with that person in the most loving, meaningful way.

Why do we wait for the presence of death to live life in a present, loving way?

Consciously contemplating death will help put us in this meaningful, loving state perpetually. However, most people avoid the idea of death and don’t reap the benefits of contemplating it. The reason is that we fear and avoid discomfort;

 and boy does the idea of death make us uncomfortable!  

The fear of discomfort

As I mentioned before, most people create a lot of distance between themselves and the idea of death. The first reason is that we are incredibly incapable of dealing with discomfort.

Let’s go back to being a Doritos munching couch potato while mindlessly scrolling through our phone. Why do we do this? We know eating Doritos and sitting like a sack of potatoes is bad for us; we know scrolling through Facebook is pretty pointless; we know we won’t look back at that activity as something meaningful.

First of all, we do it because it is a form of instant gratification. We derive a very basal pleasure from Doritos because it tastes good, and we are attracted to Facebook because our brain likes drama and impulses.

Secondly, we don’t want to go through the discomfort of doing something meaningful, like let’s say, going to the gym or calling up your mother to resolve that argument you had last week. We do these things because we are prone to being in a state of instant pleasure-seeking and pain avoiding behaviour. You know, like an annoying small kid that just wants some ice cream and wants to avoid that daddy gets angry.

This type of behaviour is very childish. The discomfort from getting up from the couch might seem relatively easy to overcome, but we are bombarded with potential discomforts all day. What about getting up an hour earlier every morning to go to the gym? What about having to tell your wife that you lost your job? What about Death?

We avoid these things because we fear discomfort, and it’s stopping us from living life in the most meaningful way. In order to live a meaningful life, we must learn to become comfortable with discomfort.

The discomfort of death

Death is a pretty scary, uncomfortable idea to think about. It might even be one of the scariest things to contemplate.

Good!

It will be a great way to get better at handling fear and discomfort. Contemplating death will also put things into perspective. That upcoming job interview will suddenly not seem so scary anymore. All these little fears and discomfort will fade away in the face of death; so use this!

Contemplate death and get comfortable with the idea since it will put everything into perspective and lead you to a more fearless approach to life. If you’re thinking ‘well, consciously thinking about death seems like a pretty morbid thought … I don’t want to do that!’

that’s your fear of discomfort speaking right there.

Just try it, and allow the feelings of fear and discomfort to pass through you. Breath through it and get comfortable with feeling that discomfort and fear.

The practice of observing discomfort and getting comfortable with it is called meditation. By meditating on death, you will eventually realise it’s nothing to be afraid of. Death is your friend because it gives meaning to your life.

Even though you might avoid the idea of death because of the discomfort, subconsciously it could already be playing a larger part in your life than you might think…

The fear of death can lead us to behave in a peculiar way because it makes us want to engage in immortality projects: doing things we will be remembered for after our death.

Immortality Projects

Even though most people distance themselves from the idea of death, subconsciously they might fight this fear by believing they can immortalise themselves in this world by some kind of immortality project.

This can manifest itself in many different ways: you could write a book so people can read about your ideas for the rest of time; maybe you’ll have kids and leave your imprint on them so they can continue your legacy;

hell, maybe you want to overthrow the government, become an evil dictator, and have tons of statues built for you. That will definitely make you memorable!

The problem with immortality projects is that we focus too much on the distant future (the future after our death) rather than living in the moment. We can’t fully experience life if our focus is constantly on the future.

Imagine the following: pizzas are about to go extinct. To give you some comfort, you are allowed to eat some of your favourite pizza one last time. However, you are blindfolded and you don’t know how much you will get. Maybe you’ll only get one bite; maybe you’ll get a whole pizza. Who knows?

How would you go about eating this pizza? 

Usually, most people don’t eat very mindfully. They are already thinking about their next bite and putting it on their fork before finishing chewing their last. If you knew it could be your last bite though, you will eat in a different way. You’ll make damn sure you enjoy and experience every bite to the fullest because it might be your last… ever.

 Here’s the thing: you’re in the same situation when it comes to life. You don’t know when your last ‘bite’ of life will be. Maybe you only have a little piece left, maybe you have a lot left. You don’t know, so you better make damn sure you make it mean something and experience it to the fullest!
 
The second, related, problem with immortality projects is that you will be treating your current actions as a means to an end (legacy), instead of an end in itself. Don’t have kids because you want a legacy; instead, have kids because you want kids.

When we overcome the fear of death, we will also overcome the need for an immortality project. This will make us see what we really want and value. It will shift our focus from accomplishing things and being remembered, to living up to what we actually value most. When you make this shift, It won’t matter whether you will have done something that you can be remembered for. The way you live will be more important than your accomplishments.

Focus on core values

Instead of asking yourself the question ‘have I accomplished the things I wanted to accomplish in this life?’, ask the question: ‘Did I live my life in accordance with my values?’. In this way, your life doesn’t derive its meaning from accomplishments, but of your state of being in this world. Figure out what your core values are and judge your life based on those values.

Contemplating death can really help to figure out what your values are. As mentioned before, when death comes knocking at our door, we usually change the way we behave and interact with others because we’re living on borrowed time.

Well, here’s the truth, we are all always living on ‘borrowed’ time. We are borrowing it from death itself. Death can decide at any moment that your time is up and then you are just screwed. You better make sure you live as if it’s your last day, each and every day. When you’re lying in your death bed and someone asks you whether you would have done something different, you want to be able to say ‘No, I lived my life according to my highest values; I was kind, I was honest, and I was loving’ (or whatever your highest values are).

Contemplating death, uncomfortable as it may be, will help us put things into perspective and lead us to live life to the fullest. It will make us realise that we should be present to enjoy the experience of each moment. It will make us fearless so that we can say the things we need to say and do the things we need to do. Furthermore, it can help us determine what our core values are so that we can focus on living life the right way instead of focussing on accomplishments.

Maybe, instead of worshipping some bearded man in the clouds, we should worship that other guy; you know, the one with the black cloak and the huge scythe. That grim reaper guy will come for you and you better be ready for it. I would say live life as if you take him seriously!

Who knows, maybe he’ll actually give you some more time if you do… Not that you need it, of course, when you are already living life to the fullest…