The feeling of responsibility and the desire to be independent can help you take action and do the right thing. Unfortunately, it can also be an obstacle. Difficulty with asking for help is an example of this.

There are many reasons why asking for help can be difficult, but the main theme, I think, is the perceived ideal of independence and the idea that other people can’t, and shouldn’t, fix our problems. We feel that other people are not responsible for fixing our problems and that by asking for help, we are shirking away from our own responsibility.

Asking for help also requires vulnerability. Before you ask for help, you have to admit that you need help in the first place. This can hurt our pride and give rise to feelings of incompetence, weakness and shame. In addition, you are risking rejection when you ask for help. The fear of rejection is one of the biggest barriers when it comes to human interaction.

Even though these feelings are common, many of them are irrational and counterproductive. You are doing yourself and others a disservice when you let them prevent you from asking for help. In this article, I will explain why asking for help is not a sign of weakness or dependence, but a sign of strength and responsibility. Furthermore, I will show that asking for help is one of the best ways to deepen your connection with other people.

Why you should ask for help

1. Asking for help makes the world a better place

As I mentioned, many people operate on the ideal of independence and the perception that other people can’t, and shouldn’t, solve our problems.

I think it is right to say that other people can’t solve our problems, but it’s also pretty naïve (maybe even slightly arrogant) to think that we can solve all our problems by ourselves. We don’t exist alone in this world and need others to function optimally.

By asking for help, we’re not asking others to solve our problems; we’re simply acknowledging that we need some help and are acting on the insight that the other person might be the missing puzzle piece. It is still YOU solving the problem by taking the action to ask for help. In this way, the solving of your problem becomes a joint effort, but the responsibility remains with you.

I think we all have the responsibility to muster up the courage to recognize our shortcomings and acknowledge where we need help. Not asking for help will cause us to get stuck and not be able to live up to our potential – or at least delay the process – because we don’t allow ourselves to find those missing puzzle pieces that are needed to drive us forward.

Asking for help will help us become a better, stronger person, which in turn will lead us to better being able to help others too. This creates a better world for everyone. When you avoid asking for help because of emotions like shame or pride, you are thus missing out on the opportunity to make the world a slightly better place. I think the shift in perception comes down to this: asking for help does not mean you are weak or shirking your responsibility, it means that you want to become a stronger, better person and are taking the responsibility to do what is needed (ask for help) to make that happen.

Besides, has asking for help ever led you, or anyone you know, into a negative experience? Probably not.

The perceived feeling of weakness and shame needs some extra attention though, because these emotions can prevent us from creating meaningful connections.

2. Asking for help improves your relationships

Shame is the fear of being judged. We think there is something about us that when other people know or see it, they will not want to connect with us. For connection to happen, however, we have to allow our self to be seen. If we don’t allow others to see who we really are – including our flaws – a deep connection is impossible and the relationship will be superficial. Asking for help is a great way to show yourself and will aid in connecting with others.

This requires a lot of courage though because you are admitting that you are not perfect and need some help. It is important to know that people most likely will not judge you though. They will appreciate your vulnerability and will be glad to help. I’m usually thrilled when people ask me for help because it gives me the opportunity to have a positive impact on them. Furthermore, getting involved with other people often leads to inspiring interactions. So, be courageous and just ask for help!

By the way, when I say ‘courageous’, I mean it in the original definition of the word, which is to ‘tell the story of who you are with your whole heart’. Doing this will make the other person feel safe and inspire them to do the same. This makes the nature of the relationship honest, open, and wholehearted.

Moreover, helping usually is not just a one-way street. By asking for help, you open the door for the other person to do the same. In this way, it creates a dynamic of collaboration, exchange, and doing favours, which are great catalysts for a deeper connection. When more people start doing this in your environment, you will create a support network that is beneficial to everyone. To get this network started, I challenge you to get out of your own way and start asking for help!

Oh, and one last thing: don’t ask for help for the wrong reasons. The feeling that we are shirking our responsibility when asking for help is not crazy. Sometimes this might actually be the case. That is why it is important to make sure that you are always helping yourself first before you ask for help from others.

After all, why should anyone help you if you’re not even willing to help yourself?

Here’s some extra inspiration: